On the Death of My Dad - an anthology of scattered feelings
by Earl Vicknair

 
The Pigeon
Hospital rooms suck.
My Mom can stay forever.
You have a smile and I decide to take a break with that smile embedded in my mind.
The parking lot is the best refuge.
It offers solitude.
Trees growing, birds flying.
Nature is comforting.
A pigeon is flying low.
He lands on top of a car.
Something is wrong.
He is hurting.
His wings flutter and he lands on the hot pavement.
Struggling.
Nothing can be done.
I want to help.
A futile thought.
A car speeds past him.
Carelessly.
He wasn't crushed.
He continues his struggle.
I cannot look anymore.
I sit on a curb.
The shade and breeze give relief from the sun.
An ant is crawling on my leg.
I smash it with my finger and feel remorse.
Harold would not have approved.
An update... on a subsequent trip to the parking lot, I saw the pigeon again.
He was dead.
 
DNR
Is this the last minute?
TTD is the term.
Not many people know what it means.
Time till death.
The doctor says weeks or months.
As I write, you say something.
I go to your side.
You say,"I'm not going to make it."
You say to Mom, " I love you, Earl and Wayne."
Tears flow freely.
The doctor talked to me privately.
She will talk to my Mom and Dad about DNR - do not recessitate.
I know my Dad.
He will choose that option.
The weeks and months have become hours and days.
Soon to become minutes and seconds.
 
Fragile
I don't want you to die and leave me.
I want you to feel the warmth of the sun.
Hear the birds.
Smile.
Laugh hard.
The truth is that you struggle for breath.
I realize I have one more thing to tell you.
"I am proud to be your son."
 
You and Waggles
Waggles was my only son.
I remember his eyes saying, "Daddy help me."
I was too late.
Your eyes are different.
They are sparkling.
You want a malt.
With real ice cream.
We both know you can't have that.
You say, "I'm going to die. Why not get me what I want."
And you say it with a smile.
I'll tell the nurse, but you will get your malt.
Part of me knows you will see Waggles soon.
Another part of me doesn't believe that.
I want you to be with him.
I have never seen you laugh that hard.
 
The Last Room
You have been moved to another hospital room.
This will be the last one.
You told the doctor no more dialysis treatments.
And no more medication.
The Reaper had you in his sights.
You decided that your death will be on your own timetable, not his.
 
They Listen
Some people just don't get it.
You made the decision to hasten your death.
In years gone by, you would have tried to convince them otherwise.
Not today.
You have come a long way.
Others say, " I cannot imagine what he is going through."
And you are the only one who truly knows that.
Yet you have told your loved ones.
And they listen.
They want to hear every word you speak.
 
Untitled
Twenty four years ago, your doctor gave you five years to live.
You amazed them all.
Even now.
But you never gave up.
It is the way you lived your life.
Now you have decided to end the suffering.
Not many know you did it for your family.
A big clock on the wall.
You used to stare at it.
No longer.
 


Farewell to the Big Easy
By Steve Lindsley

We wanted to believe...
That it wouldn't happen in our lifetime.

We ignored the warnings.
We believed the levees would hold.
We hoped the pumps would work. We pretended we had a Plan.

We knew better, but...
We wanted to believe.
We even believed the Saints could be winners.

On Aug. 29th, 2005, Katrina blew into town.

The levees broke.
The pumps failed.
The Plan was an illusion.
The Saints lost.

It may not be possible to believe again.

Oct. ,2005. Dallas
(Tryonpublishing@earthlink.net)



Men in Caves
by Rik B

Some Men, go into caves
It’s a sacred place, a sacred palace
Strong healthy masculinity permeates the calm still air in the smoke from burning sage  and the shaman’s wares
Our shadows dance joyously by fire-light
While we sit in stoic repose, legs folded, hands on our knees,
Staring straight ahead into the flickering fire and boiling coals
Introspective

In small groups of eight or ten we gather in caves
We wear hand-made leather boots, dear skin loin clothes, a medicine bag,
Or maybe a bone fastened with horse hair around our necks, as a reminder of a special  
day, a tribute to our god, or a love lost long ago.
Some of us wear a bearskin robes, and stand 10ft tall by the end of the night.
Our faces distort by the shadowy light of flame and preemptive wildness emerges

We delve into the deep black darkness of caves, and the hidden corners of our souls
We grow hair on our faces, throw away our watches, ties, and combs
Our wind tunnel tested GQ hair-do gets long matted and dready
Some smear mud on their chest, belly, and face to commune with the warm comfort of 
mother earth’s womb
We paint war totems on the wall as provisions to battle the haunts of our wounded psyche
We get bone needle tattoos, and piercings with eagle talons to bleed out the grief that
we aren’t allowed to feel in more crisp shinny places of refinement and “culture”

The safety of the cave is treacherous to small men like sergeant dad
Men who shame small boys by saying, “Aw, stop crying you sound like a little girl!”
And “Can’t you do anything right!!”
Oh, and let’s not forget,  SUCK IT UP!!     DON’T BE A PUSSY!!
They’re welcome, and we’d honor their courage if they'd dare enter
And feast in facing of their fears.
But women…women are not allowed at all.
We can’t risk the subtle emotional terrorism of “Aw, be a BIG boy, and make momma proud…don’t cry.”

In the quiet of the cave
I stare into the eyes of god, and sometimes gnash my teeth in disgust
At the horrors in the lives of little children …also at some of my own
There’s the musty smell of dirt,
Moist damp decaying leaves where small blind creatures scamper
I’m careful not to step on them, or smash them as I roll over in my sleep
And when I awake, I sometimes eat one with the boiled roots I garnered the day before
And thank that same god for providing me with what I need to survive

And from the outskirts of the forest, one can hear in the hollow night air
the howls of anguish, rage, and despair echoing out from the cave as we exhume,
and make peace with our parents, institutions, and abusive societal constructs that once
robbed us of our innocent boyish nature

You can also hear us laugh like burly giants at the stories we tell each other about 
easier childhood times of games, insect collections, and the first time we kissed a girl

And all will go quiet for long moments, as a man reads a poem called God
Where he talks about his dog from childhood
His first true experience of unconditional love

In caves, we drum
Focused, meditative, entranced
Sweat dripping down my back... furrowed brow
Sporadically interjecting primal grunts
And harmonic low tone chants
We drum, and jump, and flail our arms, and swing our heads in unison with the rhythm of the pounding
The pace naturally quickens, eyes dilated, adrenaline coursing, and something powerful rises from within
It’s the courage to face myself, be myself, be by myself if need be
And know, from a deep calm still water center that I am a man
And I am good enough




Real Men
by Ron Moses

     A real hombre delights in being both straight 
and bent, gay and sad, strong as water and weak as 
iron, crazier than a loon but saner than sacks of 
whole grain flour.  At his choosing, he can be a 
meek member of a constellation or royal as a 
Polaris around whom the heavens move.  Whether a 
temporary streaker across the night sky or eternal 
as the love expressed in a flower, whether gentle 
as the Sacrificial Lamb or raging as Leo the Lion, 
a real Merlin plays every part in the Zodiac of 
wholeness.  A dog making music to the moon or a 
mewing cat digging through a garbage can, a real 
mensch does what is necessary to achieve his starry 
mission.

     Thus a real wise man can cry on a whim, become 
macho on a dime, climb the walls of castles on 
frayed clothes lines, bind the wounds of his 
comrades with the queen’s curtains, sit passive on 
mountain tops, inhale clouds and receive visions, 
wash silk stockings in dripping basements while he 
plays poker with his buddies.

     Though their cards may look varied, real long 
fellows play with full decks. They are able to whiz 
you a warrior when your wounded spirit needs 
protection, trump curses with their magicians, deal 
you the moon eyes of Rudolph Valentino when needed, 
all under the direction of the Heat King, who rules 
Camelot from the center of the round table.

     A real Galahad is always evolving a new vision 
of maidens.  He’s certain they are not virgins to 
be sacrificed to his dragons.  He’s sure the fairer 
sex are no longer conquests, nor are they saviors 
needed to circle his square and offer his soul  
completion.  He wonders why damsels can’t be map 
makers too.  Why can’t they share the same boat as 
the Greek heroes, as its bow noses its way into the 
heart of darkness?

     A real man does his midnight gut work.  With 
the help of the elders, he vomits up his snakes and 
shadows onto the magic carpet.  Once he licks and 
receives stitches for his wounds, he enters the 
land of paradox.  He knows he is healed and yet, 
in some darker valley, he realizes he is not.  So he 
gives his ripped heart a zipper like those offered 
on the finest goose down sleeping bags made by 
Eddie Bower.  That way he can offer his feathery 
womb to fellow sufferers.

     When a real gentleman has wronged another, he 
eats crow presented by a British butler upon a 
spotless silver platter.  He swallows the flapping 
wings and even uses the claws for toothpicks, 
cleaning his crevices ever so thoroughly, so that 
the teeth of his spirit will not rot.

     A real rooster wears his cock and balls with 
dignity and pride.  He shares his worms and June 
bugs with his wives.  Swaying in the night tree, he 
warns of approaching coyotes.  As he grips the limb 
next to his brothers, his spurs gleaming in the 
moonlight, he creates no needless strife.  During 
the day, scratching in the dirt for larvae, 
watching over his flock, he makes certain his 
barnyard crowings benefit the hoop of life.

     Real braves dance naked with their shadows in 
firelight around teepees down by the river.  It’s 
such an elegant waltz, looking their dark brothers 
in the eye, as they whirl around the fire stones 
together, as they sound their horns into the dark 
hills, as they continue to welcome home from across 
the river all their desperate parts.

     Brave hearts are alchemists.  They not only 
transform their leaden experiences into gold, but 
they spot the polished diamonds that are scattered 
everywhere in their lives.  Such gratitude allows 
them to stroll this world as if pleasuring within 
the reclaimed Garden of Eden. 

     Real Adams use their swords for carving out 
statues of themselves from the Big Mother who 
swaddles us all in her darkness.  Thus these bright 
sons have faces so unique and beautiful they stand 
out from the crowd who have not the courage to be 
born.  These swordsmen from the stars chisel at the 
base of the marble names that reflect who they 
really are.

     Real warriors no longer listen to the lullabies 
of the tyrant kings.  They have no need to feast on 
the corpses of those who are weaker, no reason to 
nuke a neighbor who scratches the nickel plating of 
their egos, no cause to spook the herds of buffalo 
with their patriotic slogans.  A real Texan gets no 
satisfaction from playing cowboy and shooting the 
world in the foot with our missals.  As in the 
Bhagavad Gita, wise leaders save war only for high 
holy purpose.

     As you can plainly see, a real man is a pizza 
always in a state of being completed.  But don’t 
take the fact that his pockets are full of all 
kinds of wigglies and wallies as a weakness.  If 
you dare to challenge a real wild man—try to force 
his black cat up a tree, his fool will be the first 
to part the leaves, peer down, and say, “I embrace 
this Godly mess that is me.”

C  Ron Moses 4-05  80 Lakewood Loop  Hattiesburg, Ms 39402



I Have Dreams
By Malcolm Fugler

I have a dream -
To discover the real person behind the mask,
The real person behind the issues,
The issues that are behind the issues,
The real person I want to love.

I have Dreams and a strategy to heal issues - 
To discover a paradise in this world.

I dream of a correctional institution that houses the homeless,
and actually corrects human behavior so they can return to
society, or stay in a safe home away from society.
I dream of a nursing home and child-care facility as one
location of learning and sharing love and joy at the beginning
and ending of this physical form.
I dream of birthdays and death days as community celebrations 
of joy.
I dream of abortion as unwanted because our society, being
loving, wants the child to come join this world and be
showered with love and attention.
I dream of guns, as collectibles like arrowheads - unneeded and 
unwanted.
I dream of welfare as a safety net, entered and left rapidly as 
one returns to health and wealth.
I dream of hospitals fully healing illnesses and maintaining
wellness, both mental and physical, instead of being just a 
repair shop.
I dream that humans can feel safe to experience our sexuality 
without criticism, judgment and evaluation of our dreams,
goals, desires and fantasies.  Let us experience joy, happiness 
and fulfillment when we relate to others (be it sexual or not).
I dream of employers who work to create a team effort to 
reduce stress and an environment where employees work 
together as family members who are motivated through love 
not fear of losing their job.
I dream of police departments policing and directing for safety 
through loving encouragement and by building self-esteem of 
those who prey on others without having to resort to 
intimidation.
I dream of schools, which educate the mind and mold the 
individual for a healthy, happy life instead of a baby-sitting
service, which encourages children to regurgitate information.
I dream of politicians who are retired, successful individuals - 
role models in society - who are chosen by the people to direct
and guide on a voluntary basis with no possibility of personal
gain through their office, instead of a paid career and an 
invitation to corruption.
I dream of churches as a nurturing place - a home that excludes
no one because of their beliefs or lifestyle and allows people to 
congregate and share loving projects that balance and better our society.
I dream of the creation that our creator intended - extended and 
expanding love everywhere with everyone and everything.



The Dump
By Malcolm Fugler

As the master of my mind,
I give no valuable meanings 
to fearful ideas or feelings anymore.
I no longer visit the ideas or feelings 
that resulted in any lack of mental
or emotional peace of mind,
as I did in the past.
To me it seems insane
to visit the garbage dump
time and again unless
I am dumping something there.
I do not expect to find anything there
or to live there anymore.
So why would I ever go there anymore?
For many years I visited the dump
through many different names,
like, Worry, Shame, Blame, Guilt, Resentment,
Prejudice, Condemnation, Arrogance, Ignorance,
Attack, Defense, and many more.
Yes, they all stunk, felt, and looked 
like a filthy garbage dump and all the more.
I may look like a hog and act like a pig but
I don't wallow in the slop there anymore.
So don't be surorised if I don't 
moan, groan, complain, bitch, nag, holler,
scream, fight, flight, or even get up tight,
depressed, stressed, angry, or upset anymore.
I don't mean to offend you.
I just don't go there anymore.



This Time, The Work
by Dan O'Neill
(At this time, a work in progress)

I came because my brother asked me to.
(Although he'd asked me many times before).
This time I made-time for what I had to do.
The work was waiting for me at the door.

I met a man who said that he was lost.
To me, he seemed a treasure to have found.
This time, I thought, I will not count the cost.
The work began to follow me around.

The men would gather in a wooded place,
Investing it with legendary fame.
This time they held as sacred as a grace.
The work became the reason that I came.

A man told me the story of his life
Of drunken, crashing cars and crushed dreams.
This time he spent away from his wife.
The work is not always what it seems.

The drumming of the drum inside the drum
Invokes the spirit fathers to our sides.
This time slows down and stops. The clocks won't run.
The work it seems is older than the tides.

So clear I hear the beating of my heart.
So strong I see the rising of the sun.
This time is over now, so we depart.
The work, once done, is only just begun.


Sweat Lodge
By Ed Tedrow

(A reflection on the NOMC Fall 2002 Retreat)

From an old myth an old man
in faded jeans and fiery shirt opened 
the boy’s head mercifully as if removing

the cork from an old bottle of wine and removed 
the brain before the boy even knew it was his.  
The old man lowered the brain into the tub and set

the machine on gentle cycle.  After the spin
the old man placed the brain in the boy’s hands
and said this is yours.  The boy was grateful.

He in his vacant stare saw a pretty good brain.
He carefully placed it in his head and screwed it
in place the best he could.  The old man watched

from his old myth but didn’t help the dizzy boy.
When the old man from an old myth
leaned in close to inspect, the boy thought 

he would suffocate in the blur of folds of the fiery shirt.
The boy could see nothing.  From the heat of the man
the boy began to sweat and in darkness he thought 

he saw his grandfathers.  He saw strands from the shirt
tied to his dreams like balloons.  And like balloons
the old dreams popped.  He needed new dreams.

The old man left but the boy still couldn’t see.  He needed 
a new myth, a new man, and asked his brother 
what do you see for me?  His brother gave him a sentence

or two hoping it would help the boy.  The boy opened
his eyes and saw his brother and in his brother’s 
eyes saw a tiny reflection of himself.

While it was an image that he had not seen before, 
it was the clearest image of himself  he’d yet seen.
He patted his sweat with his bandana and with it doused 

the old man’s fire and cleaned his lodge.
Using the sun and his brother’s lens 
he lit his new myth on the old man’s shirt. 


Love and Grief
By Ed Tedrow (NOMC)
Memories of 2003 NOMC Spring Retreat

He turned the wheel of the car
and he is gone. It could have been
any one of us and each of us knew
we'd been incredibly lucky
maneuvering those massive
internal combustion engines.
He is gone. Mine are gone.
Love and grief.

A baby is born. A father is born.
A grandchild is sick.
A grandfather is sick.
My grandchild is distant
I am distant. I am sick.
My heart is full.
Love and grief.

I know some boys
who want to play
horseshoes, softball,
extreme croquette,
cards, volleyball, shadow play, 
winnebago dice, a dirt road run.
When father and his baggage
weigh down your shoulders
play is seldom fun and losing
never is. For those learning
to handle new baggage, play
is not yet rediscovered.
I play for joy and I miss that boy.
My heart is full.
Love and grief.


Ruff's Grave
By Jim O'Neill, NOMC

I don't go there everyday,
but I know his grave is near,
and when I do visit I notice
just how the mound has sunken
as his dead decomposing body
surrenders to the embracing earth.

There is a certain need in me to
avoid that sight at times on
certain days when I don't have time
or energy to deal with the loss of
-my ecstatically wagging tail at the door friend,
-my shaking over with eagerness for a walk friend,
-my can't wait to play fetch and prance friend,
-my vicarious source of delight friend,
-my chased cats with no remorse,
and begged for attention with no shame.

But I also had a need to dig that grave in August heat,
to dig deep enough and wide enough till the sweat
poured off of me like my whole body was crying.
I had a need to bury him close to me so that I would not forget his simple spirit of attachment;
so close that when his spirit was pressed out of his body
it might find its way into me as a visiting angel
to drive out my cynical, don't risk more than you,
fearful spirits that dampen the enthusiasm
for life and bonding that both he and I were born with.
But just in case the hard concrete, glass, and steel
beat his spirit out of me and the bottom lines,
the pressing schedule, and my germanic (or is it just manic)
need to be doing something important,
which of course could never be what I feel like doing,
begin to crush me with their relentless
demands,
I brought a puppy home the other day
and he won't ever let me forget
the sheer animal delight of being alive
and being one of the pack.

Stories
By Jim O'Neill

There are stories that must be learned.
Stories our parents have forgotten
        our teachers have abandoned
	our leaders don’t have time for.
Some old people know these stories but
	they have been put away;
	their stories smiled at but not heard.
For want of tellers and listeners, 
        the stories pale and fade away.

The TV has stories, but they are mostly as small as the screen.
	They’ve made the screen bigger now,
        but small stories are still small stories.

My soul longs for the big stories;
	the ones that pull you in
	spin your head around
	turn you upside down
	slam you up against the wall
	then bestow wings to soar.
Stories that know you better than you know yourself;
	drop you like a stone when you lie and cheat,
	drag you through the dark dungeons of your past,
	pull out and parade around your closet’s skeletons.
Stories that display your life on the big screen of imagination
	with the dilemmas you avoid played out in front of you
	with no commercials and no answers
	with each step leading deeper into the mire and mystery.

I need a big story to live and die with
	like my lungs need air, sails need wind.

My choices are clear:
        make my story bigger and better than yours
	till expanding I take up all the space and air in the room,
	and you are left gasping and crawling your way out.

Or	believing you have the big story
	I follow you around like a beggar
	picking up the scraps of story from your table
	waiting for the day when you give me a big part.
Or	I study the stories of the past and find one that almost fits
	one that’s big enough to include us all
	one that stands the test of time,
	and I live with it AS IF it were mine today.
Or	I shed ego’s skin and walk soul naked,
	take in your story but not be taken in,
	learn from the great stories, knowing they are past
And	forsaking forever the viewer’s couch
	I plunge into the Big Story without a script
	no director, producer, no certain outcome,
	no pay, no hours, no vacation.

Then, lost and adrift on a wide open sea,
	slowly, tentatively at first,
	I hoist the sail,
	put hand to rudder,
	line up the stars above
	with the stars within
	and set sail.
Days pass, alone, beset by storms within, without,
	tormented by the blazing sun and burning doubt,
	hearing voices of ridicule and scorn,
	longing for the scripted life,
	the warmth of the crowd.
Till one day dawning out of the morning mist,
	first, only one, then another off the port,
	I see them, one per boat, weathered and worn
	but in their eyes a burning light.
	My heart swells, my eyes tear,
	a sigh mixed with rising joy
	gives voice: “Ahoy Mate”.


Remembering My Father
By Jim O'Neill

Seven years later: funny what I remember;
his hands and fingers, the tremor when he wrote,
his signature, shaky but still the same,
the flourish of the E, the repetitive ovals at the end.

The scent of the man, the intelligence in the eyes,
his fairness and integrity, no point made, just there.
His anger at the politicians and crooks, his laughter
reading Truman’s caustic assessment of Nixon:
“The only man he knew who could talk out of both sides
of his mouth and lie out of both at the same time”.

The stories about St. Louis, his mother, his brother,
the early days and the silence about his father.
Dad provided well for his wife and children,
never knew him to complain about that.

I wanted more for him and from him.
I wanted him to use his love and skill with literature,
but he was content to see his children well educated.
I wanted more demonstrative expressions of love,
but his way was quiet, more in actions than words.

I wish he were here today, not gone to ashes;
his cigarette habit cutting short his days.
He is here today, in his family, in my heart.
Here when I remember him with love.

James Henry O’Neill
(Second son of Eugene J. O’Neill, 4/26/1914-8/26/1987)

8/29/94

 
Tiger Dream
By Jim O'Neill

Dream's image stays with me still:
our bodies pinned to a chain link fence
while a tiger tears at the flesh
leaving us bloody and dismembered.

Who is this tiger in my dream
and what does it want with me?
The dream came the night of January first
after a peaceful day visiting family,
family fighting with cancer.

Am I the tiger?
Is there a tiger in me that hunts and
feeds on the flesh of others?
Sometimes I worry.

Or, more likely,
is the tiger cancer?
A beast of prey
ever ready to attack
at the least evidence of weakness
or a falter in one's step,
a malingering,or nostagic look back
a holding of something dead within:
angers, resentment,
or even the need to be oneself.
A dream deferred can stink
like so much rotten meat.

Before the vultures ever circle
this beast has done his deed,
preying in secret on deadness within.
A master of deceit, this cat,
for you cannot see him coming,
his stripes are hidden,
his movement invisible.
Do not run from him
or lock your door;
he is already within.
No, meet him at the door of your soul,
dig deep and pull out all that is dead,
decaying or festering.
Throw it out to the beast
and slam your door,
you have life to live and,
this tiger feeds on death.

Gunshots At New Years
By Jim O'Neill

I listen now in a different way
picking out the sounds
and separating them,
so i now can tell
what is fireworks
and what is gun fire.

I never paid any attention before,
but now I must listen.
Listen that we and others
may somehow escape the bullets
falling from the skies.

Don't ask me why a man loads his gun
and it misfires through his ceiling
into his baby daughter's room
and kills her instantly.
Don't ask me why the bullet 
could not go elsewhere
in that room in that house.
is it so that he and others may learn
that the guns are never safe,
that they are never just noise,
that they are forever
dangerous weapons?

Tell me why I need a license to drive a car
but not to own and shoot a gun.
Tell me why I have keys to lock my car
but there are no keys required on guns.
Tell me why it's legal to buy machine guns
and military weapons when we're not at war.
Tell me why so many die.



Winfried
By Rick Wadsworth, NOMC

Was it you I saw today
Winding down River Road on a Harley
Boot up on the crashbar
Gaunt gaze drawn to the distance
Helmet inflated by the Wind
Chin strap holding your mouth shut.

Was it you or your ghost
Maybe you're not dead
I never saw you lifeless.

Yeah it was you
Winding down River Road
Cruising over flat plains
Winding through high mountains.

It was you
It was you
I love you


A Man Returns
By Rick Wadsworth, NOMC

And a man returns to us
This gathering of men
And he says "My heart is sick"
"You see it beats irregularly,
It has an extra impulse that leads it astray"
"I've been away for years"
"Let's walk in the wilderness"

I Love Being A Man
By Rick Wadsworth (4/20/2001)

My body is hairy
My voice is deep
My chest is wide
I follow my feet (after the retreat)

I love being a man.

My hands are large
My toes are big
My rod erect
The better to dig

I love being a man.

When you see me
You might shrink
Because I'm frightening
you think.

I love being a man.

My arms embrace
My brother who's crying,
Over the lost souls
Of those who are dying.

I love being a man.


Doom
By Homer Branch, NOMC

The sky is black with doom
I see a hole
The Sun shines through
Illuminating my Soul.


Oh No!
By Homer Branch, NOMC

My car is sick!
I hear a tick!
A clink!
It is only hypochondria!


Patience
By Charlie Fikes

Kept safely locked away from the dangers of life
Fed but not nurished; Housed but not nurtured
Years just living for the possibility of a tomorrow not really knowing any other way

When the door is opened to the light of day and wings are spread for the first time;
He retreats in fear and cowers at the sight of his own wings!

Safety comes from that caged environment
He ventures out only to retreat again
Accidently, he finds these wings give him support and lift him off the ground
And is swept away with feelings of joy and anxiety

He continues to push the limits; getting stronger and more confident to take flight
till he is free of the trapping of the ground and finally aware of where he belongs

Soaring hundreds of feet above the ground
Gliding on the currents of the wind
Master of his own domain, touching down only for food and shelter
No Longer Imprisoned by the cages that once kept him safe!

Three Angry Men
By Stephen Hingle

Bully and Victim hate each other.
I, frustrated, hate these brothers.
They hate me. The circle completes.
They are me. This hate repeats.
Without my hate, can I live?
I never learned to forgive.
Do I look calm?

We Can't
By Stephen Hingle

We can't spin around fast in swivel chairs, can we?
I mean, we're grown men, aren't we?
We're not supposed to draw spaceships with crayons,
Or cut up construction paper and make silly hats.
We can't read Archie comics with Oreos and a glass of milk,
Or build clubhouses out of our neighbor's trash
And send notes in secret code.
We're not allowed on the swing sets or the monkey bars,
And we'll never know what it feels like
To jump into those bright plastic balls at McDonald's.
We can't hunt for toads and lizards and cool bugs,
Or run out into the rain, jumping in puddles,
And squeezing mud to feel it ooze between our fingers.
And we certainly can't wrestle and have tickle fights,
And fall together laughing in each others arms.
I mean, we're grown men.
Aren't we?
Someone won't allow us to play.
There's someone under that tree
With his arms crossed.
I wonder if he wants to play? 

Ode To My Piss
By Stephen Hingle

I piss on the Earth!
And where my yellow ink stains her,
Flowers grow.
I succle Earth's breast.
She feeds me corn.
She lays her daughters and sons at my feet.
Some of her children sing me songs,
And some of them try to kill me.
I piss on them all!
And flowers grow.
My stream is an umbilical cord.
My splash is a joyful noise!
The Earth, she likes it when I piss on her.
Why doesn't everyone?

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