First be you’re here-we-go-I-hope-this-will-be-a-good-experience self.
Then be your afraid-of-not-being-accepted self.
Next be your polite self.
Then be your inquisitive self.
Be your pretentious self but only briefly.  If you don’t have
a pretentious self (yeah, right) this is when you can be your 
I’m-fairly-confident-that-I-understand-just-about-everything-
about-me-and-most-of-what’s-going-on-in-the-world self.

You will likely come to your try-to-belong self.
Then be your I’ll-hug-a-man-but-not-that-guy self.
It’s OK to be your I’m-not-really-that-much-into-drumming self.
Then you can be your is-this-guy-talking-about-me self.

There will be an opportunity for your what’s-this-magician-king-shadow-shit self.
Next be your what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-here self
along with your I-am-different-from-these-guys self.
Inevitably you will hear something that will bring you to your
I-can’t-believe-he-said-that-about-himself self.
Your I’m-not-sure-I-can-open-up-like-that self will follow.
Then you can be your afraid-that-my-true-self-will-be-recognized self
closely followed by your afraid-that-my-true-self-will-be-recognized-and-rejected self.

Eventually you can be your I-really-need-to-speak self.
Then it’s the where-can-my-statement-fit-in self
quickly followed in rapid succession by your what-I-have-to-say-can-wait-besides-
I-don’t-want-to-interrupt-this-flow self and be your
don’t-ever-step-on-toes-of-others self after which you can
then sink into the my-thoughts-are-not-that-important-to-the-group self.

After another drumming you can be your what-an-amazing-group-this-is self
and the I-want-them-to-feel-I’m-on-their-wavelength self.
Permit yourself to be your at-last-I-finally-said-something-anything self.
Again it’s the is-this-guy-talking-about-me self.
Again, be your pretentious self if you need to but only briefly.
And you can be your these-jeans-are-faded-naturally-I-wonder-if-anybody-notices self.

Then it’s time for the damn-where-have-I-been self followed by
your recognition of your I-haven’t-been-me-the-REAL-me self.
Next allow your let-a-part-of-the-real-me-be-exposed self speak.
Maybe followed by the thanks-for-listening-self
but don’t be surprised if another man says something that brings you to your
why-does-he-confront-me self along
with the he-doesn’t-understand-me self.
But that probably won’t happen
but if it does, there’s the I-can’t-be-here-if-I’m-going-to-be-disagreed-with self
or more likely your ain’t-conflict-exciting self will emerge.


During any part of the weekend you will likely experience 
your I’m-really-scared-of-looking-like-an-asshole self.
Then you will likely remember your come-to-think-of-it-being-an-asshole-
is-a-part-albeit-a-small-part-of-who-I-am self.
If you don’t have an I’m-part-asshole self (yeah, right) you can again
be your pretentious self but again only briefly.
You will enjoy discovering your I-didn’t-know-that-mythological-stories-
were-about-me self and the I’m-deeper-that-I-ever-thought self.

There  will probably come a time during this retreat that you will realize 
that it is perfectly safe to be your scared self 
even if it is coupled with you angry self.
If you don’t have a scared self or angry self (yeah, right) it is perfectly
acceptable to be you pretentious self but again briefly.

You’ll recognize your I’ll-open-up-as-much-as-I-damn-well-please self
and you’ll want more time for your mindful self.
Later will come the God-I-love-drumming self
along with your I-wish-I-could-scream-like-that self,
your I-have-a-need-to-share-my-poetry self,
your every-man-in-the-world-needs-a-hug self,
and your these-retreats-really-should-be-longer self.

Finally comes the if-only-I-could-fully-and-completely-express-myself-
and-if-others-fully-understood-me-I’d-be-some-kind-of-a-leader self.
That, dear king, is  true.